Road Trip New Zealand: Leg Two; New Plymouth

We left Auckland early the next morning, with plans to drive down to meet Matt's friend in New Plymouth. 

This was unfortunate because the morning, as you know, includes a bright ball of fire in the sky some people call the sun...my head and eyes were not a fan on this particular day.

One of Matt's tickets was for a match between Ireland and USA, it worked out really well so we planned to stay a couple extra days in New Plymouth.  The match wasn't until the next evening so we had plenty of time and took advantage of our good fortune.

We traveled along the highway for a good hour or so, when our "Google Maps" directions abruptly tell us to make a right turn off the highway.  We check the map and realize that Google is taking us the loooong way, but we figure we have the time and we wanted to see as much of the country's landscape as we could so we decided to follow.

We weren't too worried about getting lost until we came to the smallest bridge either of us had ever seen.  It was so small we weren't sure we could actually fit across it.  Being the conquistadors that we are, we "give it a go" anyhow.

Good move it turns out.  We successfully made our way over the bridge, slowly.  However, we realize now that we are in fact lost because Google continues to make up roads that don't exist and directions that can't be made (make a left, when there is no road....things of this nature). 

We see a lady mowing her lawn so we stop the car.  I hop out and grab her attention to find out where we went wrong.  Come to find out we are actually on the right path, but she doesn't understand how we got "so off track" in the first place. 

It is lunchtime and we ask her if there are any cool parks or places that we could possibly stop to have lunch.  We packed some sandwiches and once again, time is not of the essence. 

She says no, but asks us if we would like to join her family for lunch.  Kiwi's are so kind.  We accept and pull in her driveway.

Her family owns a farm and are getting prepared for the big All Blacks match, their daughter is making a giant sign.  She brings out this pickled mustard concotion with crackers as an appetizer.  I'm skeptical at first, but I like pickles...and I like mustard, so I try it.  This can't be bad right? 

Now, I can't stop eating the stuff.  I'm trying not to be rude but I'm starving, and I'm spreading this stuff on the crackers very merrily.  Matt is talking a lot and trying to convince the family that rugby is getting big in America (he has many delusions of grandeur)...."good on ya Matt", they say...more food for me, I say. 

Then it's on to the pumpkin soup.  Oh, the pumpkin soup!  I've never had it before and I'm excited.  It's delicious, homemade, just enough seasoning, with baked rolls.  Much better than our planned lunch of dry meat and cheese.

The family was so gracious and loved our story.  They even gave us a map, because they didn't think "this Google person" knew where we were going.  They wish us well and we hit the road. 

We know where we're going now, but we're still in no rush.  We stop and take pictures, sometimes just hang out the window and take video.  Letting car after car pass by us (this comes into play a little later), plus Matt had very minimal experience driving on that side of the road at this point, the streets were quite narrow with lots of turns through the mountain.  So he's trying to enjoy the view, while keeping us alive, I'm glad that I had just arrived and he didn't trust me to drive yet. 

 

Caleb?, Matt, and Me

 We make it to New Plymouth, have dinner with Matt's friend's family (don't really remember his name to be honest, Caleb maybe...we'll go with Caleb). 

We go out to the liquor store to get proper provisions.  They're giving away free Baileys and Budweiser samples.  Baileys for the Irish, Budweiser for the Americans, we sample both of course....several times. 

We chat up the store clerks, tell them our story; no, we are NOT canadian; yes, we are going to the rugby match tomorrow; yes, we play rugby in America...the usual.  I spot some Absinthe in the corner. 

Silly American that I am, I think this is actual Absinthe, the stuff you take and trip out on.  We tell the clerks we've never had it, so naturally, they bring some out so we can have a taste.  Righteous!  Things are going great, we've been in the store for 30 minutes and we've had at least 4 shots a piece, now on to the Absinthe!

I like where this night is going, Matt however does not.  The Absinthe does not sit well with him.  He complains for a good hour after the shot, I don't think a ginger kid's DNA allows something that strong to be digested. 

We make it to downtown New Plymouth after a stop at Caleb's friends place for a "party".  We stop into a bar, time goes by, everyone is drinking.  I don't realize that you don't tip in New Zealand yet, I buy a round and leave the barkeep the change, Caleb scolds me.  Rightfully so.  "We don't do that here", he says. 

We meet a group of girls.  One of them says we look really familiar.  We think she's full of it because we just got into town.  We're talking exchanging stories, talk about our day.  Then it hits her...she knows now where she's seen us before.

We're the "idiot tourists" on the road today, driving slowly, hanging out the window, etc.  Apparently she tried to pass us for almost a half hour.  I ask her how many awesome pictures did she get today..."none", she replies.  Exactly chick, exactly. 

She tells us that the speeds on the signs are "suggested for bad conditions" and we shouldn't have been going that slow if it wasn't raining or snowing.  We tell her that conditions don't get much worse than 2 Americans driving on the wrong side of the road in the mountains of New Zealand!  She agrees.



Welcome to flavor country



Fast forward to the next evening.  We get our remaining Jim Beam and head to the city.  Matt's still hungover and thinks he's going to meet the team USA coach today so he chooses to "not drink as much".  Which is funny to me, because a dead sober coach is going to be able to smell whatever alcohol you consume...no matter how much it is or when you do it. 

He won't ruin my fun, I'm drinking with the Irish today.  I love drinking with Irish people, they're absolutely hysterical people and do enjoy a good game of "drink". 





Sea of Green



We show up to the Irish pub, we are literally the only people wearing blue in the place.  A sea of green shirts and red hair.  Matt would fit in well with his "gingervitus" if not for the obnoxious and totally awesome red, white, and blue do-rag he's wearing.  I have my hair up in 2 red and blue pony tails, we don't stand out at all.  We spend a few hours around town and in the pub, I go out looking for anything American....like an American flag or something that I can use to wave around at the game.

We get split up from Caleb and his friends.  Make it to the stadium, Matt is determined to talk to this coach, I'm determined to finish what's in my water bottle.

 We notice that no one is sitting in the front row.  I've learned that if you say or do anything with enough confidence, people will generally believe it.  We walk right up to the front behind the USA bench.  $50 tickets instantly turned into $500 tickets.  Passed security with no worries and now we're close enough to touch these guys.  Not that we wanted to, but the option was available.

Pretty close

Matt's yelling at the coaches and asking players where the head guy is, I'm drinking Jim Beam out of this water bottle I snuck in my pants and yelling "USA!" to no one in particular.

Not that I care about rugby, but I AM ULTRA AMERICAN at these events and we're not making nearly enough noise to my liking.  Matt and I used to make a ruckus in college at sporting events, this is a much larger scale, I am much more inebriated and it's USA.  Here's a sample...




Pretty frightening stuff...this is us SOBER by the way

 Let's be serious, we may get thrown out.

Exact opposite actually, we're screaming so much and leading our own chants, a camera crew approaches us from down on the field.  They love us, we're trying to watch the game so we give them a scream and go on about our shenanigans. 

Little do we know, that this is being broadcasted all over the world.  Even back in the US.  Within 10 minutes Facebook errupts with this photo.

Hobos unite!

The homeless man in the back left (me) and Matt's huge American head.  How great is this?!

We lose the game and head back to New Plymouth.  Matt never found the coach so he's back to drinking fulltime again.  We reach New Plymouth and figure the best place to start would be the strip club. 

First Kiwi strip bar, this would be a running theme of the trip oddly enough.  The funny thing about Kiwi strip bars is their dollars are coins, but you obviously can't just throw change at the ladies (but imagine the hilarity if you could!).  So you have to exchange your change for paper money. 

Striper money...it's not real....or at least, we treat it as if it's not real....seen here. >>>>

Also, Kiwi strippers are quite lazy.  It's pretty funny, they just want to come sit with you, drink and have you give them money.  There are no cocktail waitresses and a lot of the times the girls just sit in the corner and talk amongst themselves.  I make it sound bad, but it's actually really fun (I'm sure this has nothing to do with the scantily clad women roaming around, maybe I'm just easy to please). 

Matt and I decide we should open a strip club and bring American strip club themes, like girls who actually dance, cocktail waitresses, etc....we'd be millionaires.  We should really learn to write these down....wait a second...

Hours of fun activities later, we find a concert going on.  The Irish are very humble about their victory.  They accept us as kin. 

We dance many Irish jigs at this concert, none of which I remember to be honest.  I just know it was fun and I paid a random karaoke DJ $20 to take us back to Caleb's house. 

End of leg 2, New Plymouth rocks!

She would NOT give me those ears...sigh