theLOWdown: Singapore "Happy Days"

Honestly, the next day after I was Singapore Slung (thank you Dan for correcting my grammar, jerk!) we didn't even leave the hostel. It was pretty bad. Not going to lie, it was pretty sad. With matching sentiments were my stomach, head and face. Sad/Sickness was the theme. The whole day consisted of movie watching, sleeping and catching up on this blog, that's it.

However, the day after our hangover catch up day we awoke early and refreshed and ready to explore Singapore. One problem. Apparently Singapore as a whole, is under construction. There is barely a part of the city that one can go without being directed elsewhere by construction zones and/or workers. I found that out when I woke up early and went out for my morning run. I ran all the way from "Little India" to the Esplanade but I couldn't get through...this would be a regular occurrence throughout the day.

I did however get a chance to see some Singaporean military training and a helicopter that I have decided appeared out of absolutely nowhere. I decided I had better run back to the hostel before someone realized I was taking pictures of their military...like some sort of untrained American spy would be doing...

I came back to find Alex had done his homework and found some cool spots for us to check out during the day. So we decided to go back down towards Marina Bay because that is one of the major tourist destinations in all of Singapore.

It was incredibly hot and muggy (which we already knew), but a lot of places don't even open until midday (which we didn't know). Everything in Singapore is geared toward the night life. We hopped on a bus down to the Marina and walked around the river for a little while. We saw that they had riverboat tours and assumed that this would be the best way to see the riverside and take some photos.

This turned out to be an awful idea and not by our own accord. Two boats showed up at relatively the same time. The old man running the "service" directed us on to the second of them. The problem with this was, the first boat had 3 FREAKING PASSENGERS on it....the boat we were told to get on was completely FULL!

Marina Sands Towers

We were not pleased about this. Full of Indians and other various annoying children, the Indians were all sitting on the sides where the windows were (you know, the place where people sit and take pictures)...only they were NOT taking any pictures and their own little spawns of Satan kept howling like a pack of hyenas (no, like literally howling...not just making noise). Alex makes a quip of wonderment curiously about whether or not it's okay for the parents to hit their children in this country...he is sitting next to a cop, I think he knew, but it was too late. The whole thing was just terrible.

Not to mention while riding around we saw 2 other boats WITH NO ONE ON THEM. The fury was reaching epic proportions between both Alex and I. We knew we needed to get off that boat immediately before we did something we would regret.

Floating platform

You're supposed to ride all the way out through 2 of the "historic" Quays along the river and come back.

We got off the first time they stopped.

The guy thought that we were confused, "No this isn't your stop, you guys GET to ride back", he said. Alex lets slip, "No this is definitely our stop, your tour sucks". To which the guy had no reply, nodded and generally seemed to accept that fact....like he already knew.

He lets us off in some sort of an outdoor mall area called Clark Quay (one of the major tourist destinations). We saw a Hooters on the way in and we started chatting. We were curious to see what an Asian Hooters establishment had to offer...in the form of wings....of course.

NOT. Hooters is a terrible place I don't care where in the world you are and "NO ONE goes to Hooters for wings" to truly quote Chris Rock. I'm pretty sure that it's well known (if it's not, it's about to be) that large breasted Asian women are some what of an anomaly. They're like shooting stars or eclipses in a way because they don't come around very often but you get really excited when they do!!!

So we wanted to go and see what Singapore considered "hooters". They were well represented I must say. Alex had to ruin it for me when he asked which one's were the "pretty boys". That killed it for me.

For those who don't know, the "pretty boys" he was referring to are guys who look like girls...on purpose. Only apparently in Singapore you can't tell the difference. They get sex changes, implants, Adam's apples removed, the whole nine. It's been my single greatest fear of going to Southeast Asia. I'm absolutely terrified of finding a "pretty boy"...even though I have a fresh bag of "complete denial" ready if I ever did find one....I don't know if my psyche would be able to handle it. I think I'd be able to tell...but until then I'm checking all throats, faces and hands!!!

Hooters is where we also originally found out how expensive drinks were in Singapore. A pitcher of beer was $40, a regular beer was in $9-12 range. It's the only expensive thing in Singapore really...which is about as funny as rubber crutch because that's all Alex and I were trying to do here. How can bread be $1 and beer $10? We were getting full meals in Chinatown for $3 for God's sakes!

ION shopping mall

We taught ourselves the train system and worked our way down to the "shopping district". Which was pointless. We're guys obviously, there's nothing for us here...except for the eye-candy, that was quite nice (they're not all men, they're not all men, is what I kept saying in my head).

It's shops after shops in the district, huge underground malls, it was really cool...if you have money. All I needed was a Singapore patch for my bag and I couldn't find a novelty shop anywhere. Which I found amazing because usually when you go to these tourist traps you can't get away from the "knick-knack" shops of useless, unwanted, mitigated crap. So we walked down a little further and found the red-headed stepchild of the shopping district...the "Kmart" of all the shopping centers if you will.

Orchard Road

I found more than I bargained for, the lady had a patch from the U.S. and Malaysia (which is cool because now I don't have to hunt one out there) as well...but she wanted way too much money for them. So I talked her down about 33 percent of what she originally wanted and got 3 new patches for my bag.

(Sidebar: The reason the patches are a big deal to me is because I have decided to get one from every country I go to and sew/iron them on as I go...seen at the bottom).

We spent the rest of the day walking around...literally. We got lost on the way to the Botanical Gardens and we were too stubborn for cabs or buses because we were conserving our wealth or lack there of (DAMN THAT ASIAN CASINO!).

The Botanical Gardens was absolutely beautiful and it was enormous. So many fragrances and flowers, the Gardens themselves are split up into different subjects and categories. There's an "Evolution Garden" with more of the historic trees and other wildlife. There is also a "Healing Garden" that shows which herbs and plants are used to treat certain diseases and illnesses.

Those are the only 2 we managed to check out that day. The place was huge and we were quite tired so we decided to head back but it is definitely worth the time if you ever get a chance to go.

The days did get a lot better as well and the people were also very friendly. I think the key is that you really don't need 8 days in Singapore. You can probably do everything in 3-4.

One evening I wound up drinking with a lot of random locals by myself. I went to order some food at one of the restaurants near by and the guys behind the counter didn't speak English. So I just pointed at what I wanted and he kept pointing at the duck in the window. I think he was trying to tell me that either A) that's all they had or B) the duck is bad, pick something else. I still don't know.

Tony (seated to my right) and the gang

Either way a guy named Tony came up and helped me order. He spoke enough English for us to communicate but not quite enough for me to understand everything he said. They invited me to join them for a drink while I waited for my food. So I sat down and began chatting with Tony and his friends. One beer, led to many as they wouldn't exactly let me leave. Even when I got my food, they just kept pouring me drinks. I would say, "No, no thank you, I have to go". They would pour me another. I would wave her away from my cup but as soon as my hand was clear, she would pour more beer into it. I was beer-raped. Which sounds more tragic than it actually is.

This happened a numerous amount of times, I figured what the hell I'm here, so I grabbed my bag and was going to start eating. Then all the guys at the table started mumbling something and actually closed the to-go tin for me. I have no idea why. They kept pointing at their stomachs. I was thinking, "Man, I'm not trying to feed you but if I sit here any longer my food is going to be cold". So that's when I realized I had to go. Nice guys though, very hospitable and funny from what I could tell.

Here's my guy!

That experience happened in Chinatown, I liked Chinatown the best of all the suburbs we visited. Everything is right there, all you need and more that you don't. I went and did more exploring and was able to find a Buddhist temple. I really like to do things like that. I walked through the halls and read through the scriptures.

It's just very funny to me that a religion based around "cleansing yourself of material possessions" has lots and lots of gold EVERYWHERE. But it was cool learning about the different deities that they worship. Mine would be: AKASAGARBHA because I was born in 1986 which is the year of the Tiger.

We also managed to find a beach on one of the other days. On the other side of the theme park "Sentosa" there were these man-made beaches and a couple of bars. "Sentosa" itself is on an island and that's where they have roller coaster rides and cool exhibits, Universal Studios, as well as another casino (they keep following me!). It took us almost all day to get over there and even more time to walk across the entire park but it was worth it to finally get into the water.

On our last night we went on a Night Safari. They wouldn't allow us to take any pictures of the animals because they're nocturnal but we got to see everything; rhinos, hippos, lions, tigers, hyenas, pythons. It was really cool!

Alex split his pants, so at least one of us was scared

It wasn't quite like I thought it would be. I wanted to go out into the outback. It was more like a zoo...at night. Not sure what I was expecting but when I heard "safari" that's what I thought would happen. They do drive you around but I was thinking we may be in at least some sort of danger.

All in all Singapore is an awesome place to visit...if you have money. There's a lot of cool attractions and things to see...if you have money. There's plenty to do all around the city...if you have money.

So there is a round-about collection of things we did during the day when we weren't drinking in Singapore, Singapore. Or at the very least an example of my poor summarisation skills.

What we found out was that there is really no reason to go out during the day in Singapore, unless...you guessed it...you have money.