The Malaysian Wedding

"Tore" with a flask instead of a hammer obviously

The day of the wedding itself comes and we head off to the Hard Rock hotel.  One of the girls at the front desk also tells me I look like “Tore”.  They giggled everytime I walked by.  Not a bad start to the day. 

We spend a little time at the pool bar before getting ready.  It’s buy 1 get 1 free.  We obviously lose track of time and realize we have 30 minutes to get ready for Kennon’s wedding.  That was a fun mad dash.  They videotaped it all, from the wedding to the reception, even us getting ready, I can’t wait to see how that turned out.  Shots were being passed around, as much expected.  Tequila, bourbon, vodka in no particular order, we got the photographer involved as well; much to his dismay.  

We successfully make it with time to spare.  Everyone is taking pictures before hand, Patrick tells us that we smell like alcohol, well duh.  I can't exactly speak for the other guys, but I had a pretty toasty buzz happening and it was only about 3pm.  Kennon and his groomsman all really have to pee when the ceremony begins.

Fighting back the need to urinate

Kennon also just turns to me as the music starts...he just realized he’s getting married today.  I always find that part funny, it’s not truly happening until you’re standing up and the music starts playing.  He tells me he’s quite nervous.  

Doing my best rendition of what a best man should probably say...I tell him it’s a little too late for all that nonsense.  He asks me if it’s too late to run (not a serious inquiry by the way) but I tell him that if he does it, he’s got to tear off the outfit and do it naked down the beach.  For a best man who doesn't exactly follow tradition or believe much in the whole constitution of marriage in general, I believe I've done my part.  

Amazing backdrop

In a move that shocked absoutely NO ONE.  He chose to get married instead (another joke, especially if Mabel reads this...there was never any indecision).

We found out after the ceremony that the groomsmen just happened to be standing in front of 2 microphones.  Patric's wife Daggs tells us that they could hear everything we were saying.  Good, now if we could only remember what was said…we’d be okay.  Nothing intelligible I'm sure, lots of gibberish about urination and the amount of outfits needed for one this one Malaysian occasion no doubt.  

Ahh tequila, we meet again

After the beach, we have a little grace time known as the “Cocktail Hour” in between the service and the dinner.  Good.  NOW we can drink, or at least that is "the rule".  Even though the groomsmen have been having more of a “Cocktail DAY”.  

We go grab drinks from the OPEN BAR (the ONLY way to do a wedding) and head back upstairs to the hotel room to change...AGAIN.  Malaysia is very humid and even though the service didn’t last very long we were all thankful to be out of those clothes.  

Of course, I'm always thankful to be out of most clothes...so I spent most of the hotel room time taking shots and dancing around with the guys (no homo).  We get dressed and head downstairs to the function room.  There’s only one difference in the groomsmen this time.  Everyone else is wearing black jackets, mine is blue.  Which oddly enough I didn't even notice until right before I walked down.  The KING had me try it on the first day I was there...

So gangsta

Not that I really care, it’s not my wedding and Kennon and Mabel were cool with it so I went along.  It was KING Patricks old jacket, so I’m pretty sure if the father of the bride is in agreement, I should probably just fall in line.  So I did and owned it, like there was a down payment involved!

Although as soon as I reach the ballroom I’m begin to get really nervous about my speech.  I’m not really sure why either.  I’ve given speeches plenty of times but I was always somewhat prepared at least .  I hadn’t been thinking about this during the 2 days prior oddly enough.  So that makes me even more nervous that my speech is going to be made up in the span of 20-30 minutes. 

Uh, speech? What speech?

This leads to several scotches.  One after the other, the bartender is pouring me doubles, it must be written on my face behind my beard.  He's a gypsy to see this, I'm convinced my new pal the barkeep is some sort of wizard in training.

 I can scarcely eat, I think I tried 3 things, most of them soup.  I thought I was going to be sick.  I excused myself twice and managed to compose myself long enough to come up with what I thought was a good speech.  Josh finds me outside pacing and muttering to myself.  So I rehearsed it with him quickly before I went on, he didn’t like one of my jokes.

Something about the beautiful union of marriage and then I’d ask all the single ladies to stand up.  I thought that would be a  riot, Josh told me not to do it in such a conservative Asian country.  The man's lived in Japan for several years so I imagine he knows what he's talking about.  I took his advice. 

Rockin' it

I managed to talk with the MC of the ceremony and find out when my speech was, Pamela and I went on after the 2^nd course.  Pamela was the maid of honor, without the honor part.  She left me high and dry.  We had made a pack to walk up there together and we would each stand on the stage while the other talked.  But when it came time for that, she was nowhere to be found.  I was on my own.  

Then later on she told me that she did it on purpose.  She basically fried me the whole weekend, the day after I asked why she didn’t come out with us the night before (the wedding night), she said she was avoiding eye-contact with me.  Ouch.  Did I mention that ALL of Mabel’s friends LOVE me??? 

Yam Seng!

Once I got the microphone in my hand I was fine.  I had an outline of what I wanted to say and I was going to keep it short, sweet and from the heart.  I did an awesome job, so I've been told.  There were no winces, groans or dirty looks which is always a plus.  

Everyone else said so and Mabel told Kennon got a little teary eyed, so I think I did well.  Then I handed the microphone over to Pamela, right as she was about to start her speech I snatched the microphone back real quickly...  

Yea, I think I was fine....

I had forgotten something, the most important part!  So I gave a quick shout out the boys in the back (Patrick’s friends we met at the tea ceremony) and yelled “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmm seng!!!”.  That went off, those guys loved it.  Everywhere we went after that, all those guys would yell “Yam Seng!”.  We easily went through 40 cheers like that.  All scotch approved messages.  

Patrick would tell us the next day that we went through 12 cases of scotch and the groomsmen alone went through approximately 6 bottles of vodka.  

Humility isn't one of my stronger points

"Who the hell was drinking vodka last night?", I inquired to Patrick and the rest of the group.

"Adam, you were the one drinking vodka mostly", I was told.

"No I was not!  All I had was scotch, beer and the occasional tequila shot!", I replied.

"Adam, you were standing on-stage making cheers' with a BOTTLE of Belvidere", The KING proclaimed. 

Belvidere sponsored this message

Except I didn’t remember drinking any vodka but there was apparent proof because once the bride and groom got up to give their speech Patrick grabbed me and shoved me on the stage.  I tried to stop him, honest.  He told me to go, I have no idea why.  I assume he finds it amusing when I make an ass of myself.  We stormed that thing like it was Normandy. 

I led another few “Yam Seng” toasts on stage, except I forgot that I didn’t actually have a drink, I yell down to The KING that I'm not fit to lead such a cheers without a drink….he passes me "a drink".  I now have a bottle of Belvidere.  Yes, I’m leading these cheers taking swigs from a bottle of vodka. Classy I know.  Memorable?  Maybe to some, just not me.  Blackout.  

After all that madness & countless drunken follies and photos, we go back up stairs.  I still hadn’t eaten since before my speech but am holding myself together really well.  We were trying to get some girls to come up to our room for some “pre-game” drinks before we went out.  

They seemed reluctant.  So we invited everybody!  Next thing we know, we’re all upstairs taking shots.  The boys, Kennon’s mom, and about 15 random Asians, my flask had sprung a leak and so I had to pour it into a beer mug.  I then proceeded to finish said tequila mug. 

The vodka and I got engaged as well

I am white girl wasted at this point.  We go downstairs to find out where everyone is going and realize that we’ve been split up.  I go to find the others who had went into the bar at the hotel, I push my way through security, I don’t have time for restraint.  "I'm with the wedding", "I'm the best man", these statements apparently get you places.  Wendy and I have a little dance before we leave and then we head off to the club “Sixty9”. 

I remember glimpses of the evening from that point on.  I don’t believe I had one drink the whole time we were there, I was already locked & loaded.  It’s been remembered for me that my night consisted of dancing around, whatever Caryn was doing basically (what can I say? I’m a man of my word, that shit happened!), and obviously the pool!

I recall dancing around like a man possessed.  As soon as Pat and I hit the club we just go crazy.  We dance our way around the entire place, high fiving everybody.  One guy pulls me off to the side for a dance off.  We dance and dance and dance, exchange high fives and hugs and I’m off.  I can’t be stopped.  I don’t know what had gotten into me.

More madness

That’s when I made my way outside, there was a really cool area with tables sitting in a pool type setting.  You could sit there in the pool with your feet in it, without getting totally wet.  I saunter over and start high fiving everyone, as has grown my custom in this bar.  These 2 Indian guys convince me that I need to actually jump into the pool not just dance on top of it.  By convince I mean they asked me.

I pop the shirt off and dive right in.  The outside was connected to the inside and I swam right back inside.  I hop out of the pool, I’m soaking wet and I grab Kennon and give him a bearhug, he’s pissed.  This is one of 3 instances where I almost got kicked out of the club. 

Once you’re in the pool you’re not supposed to go back and drip water on the dance floor: CHECK; you need to put a shirt on in the club: CHECK; you need shoes on in the club: CHECK; you have to stop dancing into V.I.P.: CHECK….”but come on! We have so many friends in there!” (aka people who were willing to high five us)

While I was doing that, Pat danced his way into the DJ booth and the DJ was NOT happy about this.  The DJ told Pat he was going to be watching him in the international sign for that ( 2 fingers, pointed at both eyes and then at the person you’re watching)…Pat didn’t like that, he told the DJ, “No, I’m watching you!!! (same gesture back at him).  They should have never let us in this place. 

I don’t remember too much else or at least nothing that I feel needs to be shared in this forum (wink).  I think the MC of the wedding gave us a ride back to Kennon’s mom’s hotel room.  We all slept there and even though I love Wendy and nothing happened sexually like that obviously, it’s still fun to tell Kennon that I slept/spooned with his Mom on his wedding night. 

Wendy and I

I win…for LIFE.

The next day we all peeled ourselves out of bed....some of us, the floor.  We went down for one last lunch while everyone got ready to go.  Cheese and I used this time to play on the "possibly too small for us" water park portion of the resort.  

We then came back to the condos for naps and salvation.  We would later go out for dinner one last time together and go out for more drinks to many of our dismay.  

Oh, NOW YOU want to get drunk Kennon?  

Swell.

As in, he wouldn't let me have any other type of beverage.  Moving the water out of my reach and other various childlike moves.  So here I am, one of the most hungover that I can recently remember and I have a beer AND some more scotch in the other hand.  We’ve only been drinking for 56 of the 72 hours that we have been in Malaysia. 

But hey, it’s his weekend and I don’t know the next time that we’ll all be together in this setting (I hope it’s very soon) so we all sucked up and had another fun night.

Beautiful wedding, awesome new friends, great times, that would be my summary of the first 4 days of our Malaysian visit.  Doesn’t get much better than that.

More "Yam Sengs!"

MY FAVORITE PIC OF THE WHOLE WEDDING

Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow of RUFIO

Storming the stage