Here’s the first volume of a collection of random happenings from my time in Maui that had absolutely no business being anywhere else.
They go together but they don’t. They weren’t important enough to include in any other article but I thought they were funny enough that they still had to be told in some forum.
I guess I’ll start with the “Super Rat”.
-Ratatouille (the name we gave him) - is an insanely powerful and resourceful rat that lives in Jackie’s house. He’s too smart to be caught and too strong to be killed. He is the ultimate vermin.
On my first night at Jackie’s house, all of her roommates were hanging out in the kitchen. They were having some tea and just chatting about their days so Jackie and I unloaded the car from our camping trip and joined them (see…the stories connect…sort of).
So as we’re standing around getting to know each other, there’s a loud yelp included with an electrical noise that comes from the back of the refrigerator. I’m not the first to hear it, we all did, I am however the first to see the fridge shaking convulsively.
I make a light mention of this to the people who actually live here because I don’t know if this is a regular occurrence for them or not…turns out that it is not. Good sign.
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| "Not the mama!" |
And it shouldn’t be. That damn refrigerator was shaking like it belonged on an old episode of “Dinosaurs”.
For those that don't know about "Dinosaurs", shame on you. It was a Jim Henson driven program in the 90’s about muppet/animatronic dinosaurs living like everyday humans. Think “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” type muppet costumes, except they were “Dinosaurs”.
Anyways, they had a fridge in the kitchen that was full of live creatures and the fridge used to shake from time to time, especially when they opened it because well…they were...alive.
So with that being sad, you can imagine why it was big deal that this fridge was shaking in the kitchen. Not that "normal" shaking fridges aren't something to pay attention to...but still.
Between the way it was shaking, the noise, and the electrical shock that was heard, I've determined that Ratatouille is a beast. But we don’t know him as Ratatouille yet…we just think there may be a dead mouse behind the fridge. The guys and I decide to retrieve/catch/kill this critter before he does any more damage.
The key here: isolation.
I tell them we need to isolate the rat before he makes a dash back to his safe zone (in this case, the kitchen cupboards). Henori grabs the broom, Michael goes over to pull out the stove (which is beside the fridge) to trap him behind the fridge. Nate promptly grabs an empty plastic container of what used to be rotting spinach….
Wait…what is that?
We all decide that Nate’s weapon is the most feasible device because it literally smells sooo bad that if we put the rat in there…he will in fact die the cruelest and yet, cleanest way possible.
Michael pulls out the stove. Nothing happens. This is where we went wrong, we let our guard down.
We figure, okay, he must be dead, let’s move the fridge and grab him so he doesn’t start to stink. We pull the fridge out a little bit and that's when Ratatouille did his best Barry Sanders impression.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TflnHlQMt8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TflnHlQMt8
Ratatouille is dashing all over the place, Nate comes nowhere near him with the spinach container but the rest of us are on our way to passing out, so if clearing the kitchen was the plan, Nate was successful. Henori then makes contact and smashes the super-rat with the broom, I mean actual contact with the rat.…the broom breaks into 2 pieces and Ratatouille scampers back behind the cabinets…he’s elusive.
Ratatouille retires. For the evening. Fast forward 2 days.
Jackie is having a friend over for dinner. We made stir fry (she made stir fry and I ate it, so that was my contribution, I didn't actually MAKE anything I just like to be included), it’s just the three of us in the house.
I let them have their catch up time and girl talk sitting at the bar in the kitchen. I went and placed myself on the computer in the living room in plain view of them both.
I let them have their catch up time and girl talk sitting at the bar in the kitchen. I went and placed myself on the computer in the living room in plain view of them both.
We’re all sitting around minding our own business basically. When we hear a snap…I look over and a black substance (substance…FUR)…is propelling from the roof at an incredible speed. It’s over in two seconds.
Thump. Cue the girls high pitched screams…white girl's with their knees high running in one place and their arms fluttering like wings has to be the best "defense" ever for something startling right???
We see another head up in the hole in the roof, the girls freak out and we go into Jackie’s bedroom before we can all come to terms with what has just happened.
They think it’s an even bigger rat up on the roof. Logic sets in and I decide that it had to be one of the cats chasing around “super rat”.
The cat must have been chasing him and “super rat” ran onto the screen in the sky window. He’s a fat one so he fell through, or, he strategically placed himself there and carefully lowered himself down from danger like Tom Cruise in “Mission Impossible”. The verdict is still out on this one.
It literally came within 6 inches of being either on Jackie’s head or down her dress…so I can understand the freak out. It was good two story drop, at least 20 feet.
Ratatouille. Nowhere to be found. Gone. Only thing left in the sky window was the disgruntled face of the hungry kitty cat. He’s a badass I tell you. I woke up the next day and he had gotten into my bread…after a fall like that, I can only imagine. He worked up quite the appetite escaping cats from the night before.
The bites out of these pieces of bread were the size of a small toddler…multiple pieces, five. All in the same spot too, like he bit straight through five pieces. It's like in "Anchorman" when Baxter eats the entire wheel of cheese, Ron responds, "How'd you do that? I'm not even mad, that's amazing."
That's kind of how I felt. He runs the house now, he’s a monster.
That's kind of how I felt. He runs the house now, he’s a monster.
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| Okay, probably NOT what he looks like...but you can imagine |
