theLOWdown: My Hawai'i-lloween

Pretty packed obviously

This Halloween was projected (by me) to be the end-all-be-all of Halloween’s. I had changed the formula on what a successful Halloween would entail…or so I thought.

I planned my costume waaayyyy ahead of schedule this year and proceeded to go all-out to make it come to fruition. “THOR” was happening and I wasn’t going to take “No” for an answer.

This in turn, is the opposite of how most of my Halloween plans pan out. Usually I have no idea what I’m doing until 3 days before, when I stumble upon some old TV show or movie and pick the cheapest way I can look like some random character.

This year I even began researching how to make my own costume and then actually searching for provisions to make this costume happen, right up to my purchase of the authentic “THOR Hammer” which I sent to my friend Geoff’s house in Honolulu. I had no choice...that had to be the real thing. I did briefly consider getting a smaller kids toy hammer to carry around, only for the reason that I could turn that into a running perverted joke about my "bigger hammer is in my pants". Only when provoked of course....but I chose the former.

Lilo, THOR, Cesar

Costume: check.

They don’t celebrate Halloween in Australia unless you’re a little kid or so they’ll have you believe. This information I find incredibly ironic because you’ll find costume parties a major theme and will see all these random Aussies dress up CONSTANTLY from December until September.

Why do they boycott costumes in the month of October? I have yet to receive a decent answer, but for some reason Halloween just “isn’t cool” to the Aussies. So. I decided, screw em’…

Not like it was a big deal but I did quit my job and left a little over a week remaining on my visa so I could find a destination more suitable to my needs. My needs being the obnoxious urge I have to dress up, drink incessant amounts of hard liquor, and turn whatever character I am into the most perverted step-child version of said character you have ever seen or laid eyes upon.

I won’t bore you with the details of why I chose Hawaii, mainly because those boring details will come in other articles in the future (have I mentioned that I am a spooky fortune-teller?)

(you will soon read incredibly weird thoughts about nothing important that fly in Adam’s head months from now after you’ve forgotten about all this sentence and he has gotten his lazy ass around to to actually writing them….wohooooo…or more accurately, I’m going to write about a lot of strange and unimportant events…I have no sense if you’ll read it or not…wohoooo)

Yes, you pictured it right. My arms were doing that weird magician/maegi thing while you were reading that.

Long story short, I chose Hawaii because in my head (as previously stated) it was the cheapest route home. The details I will spare you (until later…wohoooo) are the 37 different ideas I’ve had since then and why I will NOT be going home after Hawaii even though that was the original plan.

Large breasted Japanese school girl...
Yes please!

That, and I KNEW the only place I could travel to get a respectable Halloween (cough*) was in the U.S. of A. We’re the only ones who do it right…(not just my opinion…)..from what I’ve been told.

*FANTASTICALLY ASS-SLAPPIN’ GOOD TIME*

Destination: check.

That’s all you really need to know. Once I got on Facebook, I found out that I actually had a few friends living in Maui and Honolulu. All of which I have kept barely any contact with but consider close enough to ask for suggestions and/or help around the islands.

Not that I need to be your good friend for that, but I do like these people.

As comedian Dave Attell would say, “If you need directions, ask the man with one leg…he has information for you…he knows the map and location of all known elevators, he knows the fastest way to get there!”…also none of them have only 1 leg…it’s just a funny anecdote.

I was just going to go to a cool destination, dressing up and finding something to do but once I messaged them, I found out about “Hallowbaloo”. Only I would randomly pick a destination based on absolutely nothing and find my way to a killer Halloween music festival! Good thing I got somebody on my side up there because I have no idea what’s going on down here...

This festival subsequently shuts down the entire Chinatown district of Honolulu for a massive costume party/concert. I started researching “Hallowbaloo” and found out that it was a FREE concert, repeat FREE CONCERT. With 40 bands on 4 stages that is spread across 2 days.

Should have been the scene in Honolulu...
Waikiki worked though

The kicker is, everyone dresses up! They have beer vendors in the street and surprisingly mild security for other amenities one wishes to indulge in (aka sneak in under your costume).

For a guy who leaps before he looks on more instances than I care to reveal. I believe I can define that clearly as a win-win.

I even went as far as to purchase a ticket to the clubs afterward online. The concert series only lasted until 11 and then they make you buy wristbands to get into all the bars/clubs. So I purchased mine online early because let’s face it, I shan't be going home on this evening!

Needless to say I was pumped! So pumped in fact that it’s already over, the festival didn’t even f***** happen and I used the word “shan't” based on my own excitement while typing this! (I shall also refrain from using "shan't" in the future, which apparently IS a word...just not one I should be using)

I got to the hostel and told everyone within earshot. To no avail however, no one even knew what I was talking about nor did they hear about it at all. Not a shocker, I had expected this from hosteliens. I was completely prepared to go out on my own in my super cool “THOR” outfit.

I did find a lot of really cool and interested hosteliens though. Most who impressed me with their meagre attempt to come up with last second costumes ranging from “putting on a hat” to “wearing their bed sheets as a toga”.

Resemblance is uncanny

There wasn’t much to be expected because if I had to guess, I’d say with the utmost assurance that I am the first backpacker to travel (with costume) to a destination FOR Halloween.

On a side note: I did think it was funny that after I got to know some of them, the rumour around the hostel was that “THOR” was staying there. This is before they even saw the outfit; all they saw was me carrying around “The Hammer”.

This is funny in its own right because they actually thought that I was just carrying this thing around the world with me…

(hmmm….now there’s an idea though…Asia would LOVE that. Or they would believe I was actually "THOR" and expect me to do heroic things. Too much pressure...and I'm way too lazy...so I think I'll just send it home...)

So I armed myself with some left over beers and a $12 bottle (yes, ENTIRE bottle) of whipped cream vodka (Yes, that same bottle from the previous entry).

One more side note: If you haven’t tried Pennacle’s Whipped Cream Vodka, then you shame us all. It’s the best thing I’ve had in my mouth since…you know what?...just…go out and buy some right now! Forget I mentioned anything about my mouth…

If you’re wondering what I did to make this wondrous costume then try this link: http://thatlowdown.blogspot.com/2012/10/halloween-costume-rules.html

We were all in the kitchen drinking (isn’t that how most great nights start?). With all the potential in the world for what was meant to be a great night.

Had to get a pic with the mexican Power Rangers

Then right as we are about to leave; Andrew; the owner's son, comes to us and says that there is a tsunami warning on the island because of the “Superstorm Sandy”.

“Don’t worry or listen to anyone else because it won’t affect us”, he tells us, “it will hit the North Shore and it won’t be anywhere near tsunami proportions”.

I believed him. Or…didn’t hear him correctly.

I didn’t actually care to be honest, I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from having the best Halloween anybody has ever had ever. Obviously the vodka had transformed me into the actual “THOR” because at no point during that night was I even the slightest bit worried about the possibility of our impending doom.

Andrew and Dusty (who both worked at the hostel) offered me a spot in their cab to head downtown. I felt bad because at that point I had corralled about 16 people to go with us but they were all catching the bus…and I needed to get there like, 15 minutes ago.

Me, Dusty, Andrew, & Josh

I’m usually very chill especially in time-related instances (because I’m late to just about EVERYTHING I’ve ever done) but I can be incredibly impatient if I feel like I need to be somewhere or I am missing something.

So I hopped in the cab with them and one of the German girls named Julia and off we went.

It was terrible. It was a bad action movie with Morgan Freeman as the President. You would have thought that the waves of death were already upon us the way that people were freaking out.

I mean FREAKING OUT. Andrew got a call in the cab to let us know from someone “in-the-know” that the festival was going to “delayed”. So we figured we would just go anyway and grab a beer until it started.

By the time we got through all of the traffic and got to Chinatown. You could tell it was already over. They had cancelled it. Anytime you look around an outdoor concert and the vendors are dumping out ice…it’s over.

I’m mortified. I’m in complete disbelief. This cannot be. I'm also, very intoxicated because I've been drinking straight vodka out of my water bottle for about an hour.

There was so much potential I thought. Honolulu would not sit idly by and let this much money just float away, would they?

Yes. They would.

EVERYONE was in costumes. It was so sad. Watching everyone from “The Incredibles” to “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” walking away from the site, even the “Blind Referee” used his cane to figure a way out.

Good times at "Five-O"

I was completely gutted, so I did what I had to do. I found us the last bar that was open and we went for defenseless and defeated shots.

We had to head back to Waikiki after that, all the bars were closing as well. The FREAK OUT continued all the way back. I was in no sort of rush however, my night had already been ruined; all the preparation, all the planning, all for naught.

The only redeeming thing I can say about that Saturday night was that after we found the ONLY cab that was willing to take us even remotely close to Waikiki (all the other cabs were leaving and Waikiki was being evactuated), we got out and walked the rest of the way and while we were walking all of the cars lined up in the traffic jam were screaming for me (“THOR”) to save them.

That made me smile, I was glad to know that my costume had not be a waste at least.

“Save us THOR”, cried the people.

Then I would give them the obligatory “hero point” or a swing of my “HAMMER” for their pleasure and acknowledgement.

A heroic salute!

Again, I like to reiterate that at NO POINT was I even remotely worried…the Hawaiian natives and tourists alike did not share my laid back attitude.

Even the cops for that matter, on the way into Waikiki you would have thought we committed treason by trying to go back in. We simply told him we were locals and that we lived on high ground (complete lie…not locals, one story hostel).

I think the best part was hearing about and seeing all of the cars lined up at the gas stations filling up their tanks. I couldn’t help but think, “wow, there really are idiots all over the world”.

Seriously, where were they going? All that gas in their car was going to take them real fast toooo where? IT’S AN ISLAND!

I could see if they were filling up containers for backup generators or something but no, they were all filling up their cars…where are you driving to bro?

Drunkenly making the best of things

We made the best of it though. We all went back and about 10-15 of us just got completely wasted partly because we didn’t want to have dressed up for nothing, the other part because any second a 40 foot tidal wave could sweep over us and no one wanted to be sober for that.

I even remember being upset that nothing happened at all. That's how drunk I was. I was actually upset that there was all this preparation and all these warnings and I didn't see one drop of water. No rain, no nothing. That's a nice gauge to show you my inebriation...I actually thought that a tsunami...would have some form of rain...I was looking for any kind of water to explain these shenanigans...not my brightest moment.

Fast forward a few days to the actual day of Halloween on Wednesday and “Tsunami Scare 2012” in the past.

Halloween was back on, in Waikiki this time. “Hallowbaloo” was apparently back on as well, via the email I received, but they had already sullied my experience so that wasn’t an option (sound bitter much?).

Me, Super-Gonzo, Batgirl
(all homemade outfits by the way)

My buddy Geoff and his girlfriend came to meet me at the hostel. Unfortunately…and moronically…my friend ‘Twan had booked his flight back to L.A. Halloween night, so it was just me and the happy couple and we went and met some of their friends out. The other hostel peeps were taking way too long with their new costumes so we decided to head off on our own (again, “I got places to be people!”).

We only went to 2 places, “Five-O” and “Lu-Lu’s” but that was all that was needed. The real parties on Halloween and the best times to be had are out walking the streets and checking out all the crazy costumes.

I think the thing I like the most about bars in Hawaii is the atmosphere. It’s all chill reggae music. None of these poppy, Katy Perry, Britney Spears (or whoever the "kids" are listening to these days...) type songs. It’s all “Slightly Stoopid, Bob Marley, Pepper, etc etc). It makes for a really great mood. It’s not just the bars either, it’s the cabs, the stores, everywhere…it’s so relaxed.

Don’t worry, the girls still shake their asses like salt-shakers…it’s just to chill music instead of hip-hop. Probably another reason why I like it.

We all had decent buzzes going when we left the hostel so it turned into a manageably cheap evening. We had a contest going that lasted about two blocks…it was five points for everyone who wanted to take a picture with you, one point for every time your costume or name was mentioned.

The view from Lu...Lu's

I blew them all out of the water. I think I had 17 or 18 points before the game stopped getting mentioned.

It was everything I wanted it to be originally before I knew about the concert and even though I didn’t get nearly as sauced that night (because of my flight to Maui the next day) as I did the previous Saturday, it turned out exactly how I expected/hoped it would.

The potential is there, Hawaii seems to know what they’re doing on the Halloween front so maybe we’ll try “Hallowbaloo” again next year…